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Marriage Today – How to Find the Right One

Dear Friend,

Everything God makes He makes perfect—including marriage. He made you for marriage. That means you have a one-hundred percent chance of success in marriage.

Hearing that, you might ask, “Then why are so many people failing in marriage?” Because, let’s face it, we all know plenty of people whose marriages haven’t worked out. Couples always cite a variety of reasons for getting a divorce, but a common thread runs through almost all of these situations:

The husband and wife don’t trust Jesus to meet their deepest needs.

All of us have four primary needs in our lives that no person can meet: acceptance, identity, security and purpose. Those are what drive us.

  • We want people to accept us, but people are conditional. God remains our best friend on our worst day.
  • According to Psalm 139:13, God “knit us together” in our mother’s womb. Only He knows who we really are. He gives us our identity.
  • God can protect us from anything and anyone. Our only true security is found in Him.
  • And only He can give us an eternal purpose beyond making money, gaining power, or becoming popular. When you live for Jesus Christ and the Kingdom of God, your purpose is to serve the King of kings and Lord of lords. That’s a big purpose. That’s why you get up every morning.

Only Jesus meets our needs for acceptance, identity, security and purpose. If we don’t trust Jesus to do that, we will start trusting people to do it. In psychology, this is called the Principle of Transference.

Every time we rely on a human to do something only God can do, we are setting that human up for failure. We will be let down.

When you try to get your spouse to meet your deepest needs, you will ruin the relationship. You are pointing your marriage toward disaster from the very beginning. That’s why so many marriages fail.

One red flag I encountered when I used to do a lot of marriage counseling was when one spouse began putting too much pressure on the other. He or she would complain that their spouse wasn’t providing something neither of them was equipped to provide.

  • “He’s not making me feel secure.”
  • “He’s not making me feel important.”
  • “He’s not making me feel accepted.”

There are important needs that husbands and wives need to meet for each other, but they are not the needs on this deep level. Only Jesus can meet these core needs. But I know a lot of good people—including Christians—who don’t truly depend on Jesus.

That means the most important step for a successful marriage is for each spouse to have a daily, trusting, personal relationship with Jesus Christ, depending on Him to provide acceptance, identity, security, and purpose.

You were made for marriage, but God has to be in the center of that marriage. You have to depend on Him to provide what only He can give. When you do, you’ll find your marriage on the pathway to success.


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